Class Act
by Nikki Kirk
Summary: Cars lifted up and put sideways between fence posts, dinghies up lamp posts… Guy The Swinging Tai (or is it Bi?) is in town reaping havoc in the streets of Sydney.


Summary: Cars lifted up and put sideways between fence posts, dinghies up lamp posts... Guy The Swinging Tai (or is it Bi?) is in town reaping havoc in the streets of Sydney.  
  
Author's Notes: Well, this is my last fic for the Under The Bridge fan fiction site. Boohoohoo! It's late and I've got to go. But I'd like to say... PLEASE someone, create a new Water Rats fanfic site for us? Thanks!  
  
Dedications: To Funky and Spunky who are finally giving up the site. We'll miss you guys!  
  
Disclaimer: I take no responsibility for anything mentioned in here whatsoever.   
  
*****  
Class Act  
By Nikki Kirk  
*****  
  
"He's a *what*?" Rachel gave Frank one of those looks.  
"Acrobat... y'know, poofy guys in glittering lycra bodysuits, get blown out of cannons, do unnatural things on the trapezium..." Frank began.  
"Yeah, yeah, I know that, but, I mean... me thinks he could be the... the... car picker-upperer fulla person guy?!" Rachel's bewildered look seemed to be becoming a permanent fixture.  
"Yeah... look, don't ask me what his reasons are for suspecting Rufus The Dancing Doofus are..."  
"Isn't that Tai The Swinging Bi?" Rachel interrupted.  
"Whatever... No, it's Guy The Swinging Tai. Anyway..." Frank began again.  
"Or was it Frank Looking For A Spank?" Rachel grinned to herself.  
"Or Rachel... Rachel... Rachel The Woman Who's All Natural?" Frank sniggered.  
"Aah, no, doesn't work. And how do *you* know I'm "all natural"?" Rachel smirked.  
"What, you had a boob job or somethin'?" Jeff chose the worst moment to walk in on the conversation.  
He looked at Frank, then Rachel, then moved to her cleavage momentarily. Rachel raised an eyebrow and gave him a filthy look, then watched in amusement as he went bright red. "It's okay Jeff, and no I haven't." Rachel said quietly, then watched him puff out his chest in his usual way before addressing the pair.  
"Right... Any leads on the Garrison case?" Jeff asked, referring to boat theft and vandalism investigation the two detectives were supposedly discussing.  
For two weeks The Sydney Water Police had been plagued by dinghies reported missing then found a few days later up a power pole, cars had been reported to have been stuck between fence posts so they couldn't be driven out, most of the owners needed cranes to get them out.  
"Nah, only Guy The Swinging Bi..." Rachel began.  
"What?" Jeff looked confused.  
"Sorry, Guy the swinging Tai. He works with the circus that's in town. His lil fingy prints were on the Lexus, the Accord, the Galant, the Falcon, and a piece of his hair was found stuck in tar on the door of the uniform Commodore. Plus, he left an item of clothing, a sock, in one of the dinghies. The guy's begging to be thrown in jail! You thin we should go and knock him off his high horse, or should we say high platform?" Rachel smirked at Frank who was cracking up at her little wise cracks.  
"Yeah, enough to arrest him, I'd say," Jeff sighed, scratching his head, "You go and arrest him then."  
Rachel grinned at Frank and led the way out to the car.  
  
"Hi, is Rufus The Dancing Doofus in?" Rachel asked a woman who was doing totally unnatural things to her body.  
"Sorry?" she looked up at them, her legs crossed behind her back.  
"She means Guy The Swinging Bi." Frank said apologetically, not noticing his slip, and wondering why Rachel was trying to suppress a smile.  
"Guy is in there." The woman said, doing a handstand on an apple with one hand, and pointing to a canvas doorway in the back.  
"Thanks." Rachel grinned, and led the way through to the back.  
Guy, a tall, lanky Taiwanese gentleman was busy playing poker with an extremely hairy short man... or was it a chimp?  
"Guy, you've got visitors..." the ape-man sought a hasty retreat and disappeared out of another canvas doorway into the sunshine.  
"What can I do for you?" his little black eyes were twinkling cheekily as he looked the pair over.  
"You remember us then?" Frank was in no hurry, and Rachel looked to be feeling the same way.  
"Detective Holloway and the lovely Detective Goldstein. How could I forget?" he looked at Rachel with all of the lust he could summon.  
"Well, it's pretty unlikely you'll ever forget us, because you're under arrest." Rachel brought out her pair of handcuffs.  
"Took you long enough!" Guy sniggered, holding out his hands, almost seeming too willing to accompany them back to the station.  
  
"You've got him?" Helen asked as Rachel appeared from the interview room at about 9pm.  
"Yep, confessed and everything. Would have to be one of the easiest cases I've ever dealt with, I must say." Rachel smiled in amusement.  
"Hmm..." Helen chuckled, collecting her case notes and Frank's, "You off now then?"  
"Yeah, no point in hanging around here." Rachel sighed, moving as Frank lead the prisoner out and handed him to a uniform for disposal.  
"You gonna join me for a drink then?" Frank asked the pair.  
"Yeah, why not." Rachel agreed, then looked at Helen.  
"Nah, I've got to file these case notes. You two have fun." Helen headed downstairs leaving the pair to evacuate the office for the night.  
"So, that was an interesting case. Haven't had one like that for a while..." Rachel chuckled as they gathered up their keys and jackets.  
"No, interesting guy, I must say!" Frank sniggered, shoving his chair under his desk.  
"How long do you reckon he'll go away for?" Rachel asked as they walked down the hall.  
"Oh, two, three years at the most."  
"Probably."  
"Night Helen." The pair called as they headed towards the car park.  
"Night!"   
The pair wandered up to the carpark, then stopped dead. Both of their cars were wedged end to end between the fence posts of the carpark. "Oh shit, so what do we do now?" Rachel howled, calling Helen's number, hoping she was still there.  
"Take a taxi?" Frank suggested, listening to Rachel establish the fact that Guy was still in the cells.  
"Yeah, looks like we'll have to get Tommy and the boys to left them out tomorrow morning, eh?" Rachel chuckled, relieved that the cars were only blocking the staff car park and not the uniform car park.  
"What a day, eh?"  
"I need a drink."  
  
*****  
  
Short and sweet! Hope you enjoyed it! Feedback at sydneygirl2b@hotmail.com.  



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